The Story of
Nsync
By:
Your Webmistresses
Lou Pearlman was sitting in a chair in his mansion, thinking. Since that was hard for him, he called his butler. “Butler!” he yelled. The butler entered the room. “I hired you yesterday so I don’t know your name.” The butler stared at him. “What’s your name?” Lou asked.
“My name is Troy.”
“Your
name is Troy?”
“My
name is Troy.”
“Troy?”
“Troy.”
“Okay
let’s try this again.” Lou said. The butler stared at him. Then he left. Lou
yelled “Troy!”
Troy
entered. “You didn’t have to yell. I was just outside your door.”
Lou
said, “I feel like I’m missing something. I need something but I don’t
know what.”
They
pondered.
“I
know! I need more money!” Lou said.
“Will
that mean I’m getting a raise?” Troy asked hopefully.
Lou
laughed. “Why would you think that?”
Troy
shrugged his shoulders. Lou said, “I know what I’ll do! I’ll start a girl
group! I’m going to look for people to be in it!”
He ran out of the room but quickly stopped. He was panting and gasping
for air. “Troy. Run ahead and get the car ready. I’ll be down in, oh, 5
minutes at the least. Wait, no, I haven’t had any Slim-Fast in a couple
weeks…make that 10 minutes. No 15 minutes. No 30 minutes at the least. No-”
Troy
walked out of the room.
2
hours 43 minutes later…Downtown Orlando
Lou
waited for Troy to open the door to his limo. The car nearly touched the ground.
When he got out, the car rose 10 inches. “Troy, remember to remind yourself
tomorrow to bring the car to the shop to get better suspension.”
“Okay,
but I don’t think it will make a difference.” Troy said when Lou was out of
earshot. Lou said “Troy, watch the car. I’m taking a walk.”
“With
how long it takes him to walk a couple inches, he’ll be gone a long time so I
better watch the car.” Troy muttered.
As
Lou began walking through downtown Orlando, he spotted a young woman walking by
him. “Excuse me, young miss”, he said. “ I am starting a girl group and I
was wondering if you would like to join.”
“Um….
I’m a guy.”
“Oh.
Well come with me anyway!”
They
started to walk down the street.
Lou’s
new source of money said, “I wasn’t supposed to move from that spot or
he’ll get mad. I don’t want him to get mad.” Lou looked at him and the guy
started to cry. “I don’t want him to get mad he scares me. His hair starts
flying around and his eyes get big and he yells at me!”
Lou
asked, “Who’s he?”
Suddenly
he heard someone yell,
“James!”
James
turned and whispered, “He’s he!”
“His
name is Hezee?” Lou asked.
James
looked at him. Just then the man ran up to them.
“James!
What are you doing with this fat man? I demand you to go to the middle of the
street and act like a chicken like I always make you whenever you get me mad!”
“Yes,
sir.” Said James. He started toward the street.
“Hold
up!” yelled Lou.
James
turned around.
“What
are you doing hanging around this guy?”
“I’m
not sure.” James answered, looking at the guy suspiciously.
“Oh
well, both of you will do. Come with me.” Lou said.
“Why
should we trust you?” said the guy, eyeing Lou suspiciously.
“Just
get in the limo!”
“Ooooh,
limo? Come on James let's go!”
They continued down the street. Lou read aloud the names of the places they passed. “Drama club… movie theater…mall…Burger Bell…Taco King…oh look! A McDonough’s! Let’s see- National Annual Super Heroes Mighty Heroes Convention. Let’s check it out!”
Just
then, a man in a black cape jumped over the car. After him followed a man with a
red cape. It was easy for them, since the car was touching the ground.
“Troy!
Chase them! They put a dent in the hood!”
“Just
like you put a dent in your seat and in the national food supply.” Troy
muttered.
“What?”
asked Lou.
Troy dashed out of the car and chased after the two caped crusaders.
A
little while later he returned with the man in the red cape.
Lou
rolled down his window.
“Excuse
me young man who’s younger than me, just what do you think you were doing?”
The
young man answered with a straight face “I am Superman.”
Guy
#1 started laughing.
Lou
said, “Shut up! (pointing at the guy in the red cape) You, get in the car!”
“Evil!
Evil!” the guy in the red cape said. James joined him, smiling happily. Next,
since young James was so starved for some form of entertainment, they made a
stop at the MMC (Mickey Mouse Club).
As
they were getting out, Lou asked, “So, what are your names?”
“I’m
Chris,” said the guy.
“I’m
Superman, I TOLD you that already.” Said the caped guy.
“What’s
your real name?”
“Clark.”
“YOUR
REAL NAME!” Lou started huffing and puffing and increased in size by, um, a
lot…
“JOEY!
My name is Joey!” said Joey, frightened.
“That’s
better…”
As
they were about to enter the MMC studios, a boy was getting kicked out…
“Get
out of here, punk! We fired you 2 months ago!”
The
boy got up and started walking away dejectedly.
“Hey
Boy!” shouted Lou.
The
boy looked up.
“You
need a job?”
He
nodded.
“Do
you sing?”
He
nodded.
“Can
you dance?”
He
nodded.
“Can
you talk?”
He
nodded.
“Then
TALK!”
“Well
I be’s in da MMC but got da boot cause I wuz too ghetto and trashy… do you
like my beeper on my do rag? I wuz thinkin’ bout startin' a fro…”
“Not
now, I have a job for you. Wait in my limo with the others.”
“What
I gotta do?”
“Just
listen to me!”
Lou
continued into the MMC studios. He spotted a girl crying.
“What’s
wrong miss?”
“They…they…”
“What’s
your name?”
“Britney.”
“What’s
wrong?”
“They
fired my boyfriend!”
“Oh,
that’s too bad…”
He
walked on.
“Hey
big nose!”
A
boy turned around.
“You
sing?”
He
nodded.
“You
dance?”
He
nodded.
“What
is with this Club?”
He
nodded.
“What’s
your name?”
“JC”
“You
like your job right now?”
“Not
anymore. Not without my best friend.”
“Is
he a little white trashy runt?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh.
Well I’m hiring him too. What’s his name by the way?”
“Justin.
But lately he’s been calling himself J-Dawg…”
“Well,
come with me. I think I have enough people for a group…”
Back at the Limo…
JC
opened the door and got in. Lou stood by the door waiting. Rolling his eyes,
Troy got out, closed the door, opened it again, and then Lou got in. Troy
closed the door after him while thinking to himself spoiled rotten big fat
brat…
When
Lou finally squeezed himself into one of the seats, he was startled to find the
boy James putting on makeup.
“What
are you doing?” asked Lou.
“Am
I doing something wrong?”
“You’re
putting on make-up.”
James
looked at him blankly.
Lou
said, “Since you obviously fail to get my point, I will say it flat out. BOYS
DON’T WEAR MAKEUP.”
“Not
where I come…”
“James!”
yelled Chris.
“What?”
“Don’t
wear makeup…”
James
obediently put away his makeup in his hot pink Caboodle.
“Oh,
so you listen to him and not me?”
“Well,
he’ll hurt me if I don’t do what he says.”
“I
like his style! James, if you don’t listen to me, I will sit on you,”
said Lou.
James’
face became white with terror.
“You
need more make up. Ha ha!” said Joey.
Everyone
stared at him.
“Ha
ha, he he, ooo shoot…”
At
the studio…
“Okay,
I want to hear you all sing!”
They
began singing; meanwhile Lou was getting refreshments at the portable
refreshment table that Troy brought along. All of a sudden he heard a woman
singing. He whipped around as fast as it was possible for all that flab to whip
around.
“Oh
my God!” he exclaimed. “I thought you were a man!”
Chris
stopped singing, “Should I be insulted?”
“Wow,
that’s one ugly chick!” said Joey.
Chris
turned, “Watch it, bub… Hey, I’m not a woman!”
“Well
you certainly sounded like one.” Said Lou.
“I’m
a man! Haven’t you ever heard of a falsetto?”
Lou
looked at him.
“Do
you know anything about music?”
“He
doesn’t know anything about music, but he sure knows a lot about money,”
said Troy.
“I
know A LOT about money!” said Lou with a big happy smile. The thought of money
made him very happy…
“Okay
you guys, you want to know the truth? You all SUCK. But you know what? As long
as you look good, or attempt to look good, or whatever it is that raging
teenyboppers love… Um, anyway, I think you’ll do fine with that crowd. Troy,
call the writers!”
And
so NSync was born… At least we have fun tearing them apart…